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Post by latino1ny on Jun 2, 2008 14:04:06 GMT -5
MOAR NAO!!!
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Post by ½ A Gram on Jun 2, 2008 20:18:09 GMT -5
"Check it out, i found a piece of spaghetti, remind of anything, graham?" "Yeah...but it's a 1:100 scale model."
Honda lover: "Porsche sucks. They can't make a car last more than 5 years"
Me: "I didn't know a Japo lover could speak on quality...Besides, your mom wasn't supposed to last 5 years either, and she ain't quite pounded out yet..."
*sniff sniff* "I smell P***y...." " that's because i found some last night" "what's the matter, lost yours or something?"
Those aren't as good as before, but i haven't went back n forth with my friends for a while. I'm a little rusty.
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 20:36:26 GMT -5
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100....then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 20:37:31 GMT -5
A wife comes home after a shopping trip, and she's horrified to see her husband in bed with a young woman.
She's about to storm out of the house, and the husband says "But I can explain, dear. As I was driving home I saw this poor and tired-looking creature standing by the road, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her to our home and fed her some of your leftover pot roast. Her shoes were completely worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't wear because they're out of style. She was cold, so I gave her your new birthday sweater you never wear because you say the color doesn't suit you. Her slacks were tattered, so I gave her a pair of yours that don't fit you anymore.
Then, just as she was about to leave our house, she stopped and asked me, 'Is there anything else your wife no longer uses?'
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 20:48:11 GMT -5
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong. Sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....
The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 20:56:01 GMT -5
How do you ruin a French party?
Flush the punch bowl.
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The Army.
How did the German conquer France so fast?
They marched in backwards and the French thought they were leaving.
Why wasn't Christ born in France?
Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
How do you sink a French battleship?
Put it in water.
Did you hear bout the French Kamikaze?
He flew 30 successful missions.
What do French recruits learn in basic training?
How to surrender in 17 different languages.
I hope nobody's French. ;D ;D ;D
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Post by littleefan on Jun 4, 2008 20:58:51 GMT -5
LMAO
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 21:12:32 GMT -5
New Slogans for Florida
FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction.
FLORIDA: We count more than you do.
FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of
the other 56 states.
FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed.
FLORIDA: Relax, Retire, ReVote.
FLORIDA: Viagra voters do it again!
FLORIDA: What comes after 17, 311?
FLORIDA: Where your vote counts and counts and counts.
FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us.
FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football.
FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 21:14:47 GMT -5
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.''I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar."I'll try,'' said a small woman, ''but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
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Post by littleefan on Jun 4, 2008 21:15:45 GMT -5
LOL and i live in florida!
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 4, 2008 21:18:27 GMT -5
A middle-age redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a huge shopping mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife window-shopped, close by.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuttin' like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an overweight, elderly lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son;
'Boy..................go gitcha Momma............... '
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Post by Pegasus on Jun 6, 2008 7:36:34 GMT -5
"I gotta mow the lawn, but it's hot today!" Bob told his wife as he stepped out of the shower. "What do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
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Post by latino1ny on Jun 7, 2008 21:41:29 GMT -5
SOMEBODY POST SOME JOKES...... please
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Post by Pegasus on Jun 7, 2008 23:01:20 GMT -5
A person who only knows German cars, a person who only knows American cars and a person who only knows Japanese cars are asked "What does BMW stand for?"
The German car guy says "Bavarian Motor Works."
The American car guy says "Big Massive Wagon."
The Japanese car guy says "Blackout My Windows!"
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Post by ½ A Gram on Jun 8, 2008 1:23:08 GMT -5
Surely you mean Bayerische Motoren Werks
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