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Post by latino1ny on Sept 19, 2008 20:26:29 GMT -5
no more jokes?
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MacktasticSlick
Throttlehog
My friend drove his McLaren F1 from New York to Chicago and got there before he left.
Posts: 705
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Post by MacktasticSlick on Sept 20, 2008 14:16:02 GMT -5
Knock knock!
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Post by Pegasus on Sept 20, 2008 20:34:24 GMT -5
Who goes there?
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MacktasticSlick
Throttlehog
My friend drove his McLaren F1 from New York to Chicago and got there before he left.
Posts: 705
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Post by MacktasticSlick on Sept 20, 2008 22:17:05 GMT -5
Little boy blue!
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MacktasticSlick
Throttlehog
My friend drove his McLaren F1 from New York to Chicago and got there before he left.
Posts: 705
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Post by MacktasticSlick on Sept 22, 2008 18:09:46 GMT -5
I said, little boy blue!
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Post by Lupin_IV on Sept 23, 2008 4:56:06 GMT -5
Not a joke, but an actual exchange at a camera store:
Customer: Does this camera come in different colors? I really want blue.
Employee: Yes, but I’m sorry… I don’t have any blue ones. I only have black, red, and bronze.
Customer: Blue takes better pictures.
Employee: I’m sorry?
Customer: Yes, my brother takes pictures and says the blue ones are best.
Employee: Well, to be honest, the color only affects how it looks. It has nothing to do with the performance.
Customer: Are you calling my brother a liar?!
Employee: No, I’m just saying he’s misinformed–
Customer: I SAID he’s a photographer and he knows what he’s talking about. He’s been published.
Employee: I’m sure he has, but I’ve done hundreds of weddings myself and I’ve been selling for years.
Customer: Stop it! I want to see the manager.
(Employee gets manager and explain the situation.)
Manager: So, I understand you want a blue camera because it’s supposed to be faster?
Customer: Yes, I thought you guys would know that!
Manager: You know, I think your brother was mistaken.
Customer: But–
Manager: Let me explain. You see, sports cars come in all colors, right? You ever notice that they always seem to sell the red ones most? Porsches, Lamborghinis and Corvettes?
Customer: Well, yeah…
Manager: So, I think it’s an obvious choice.
Customer: I’ll take the red one!
Employee: …
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Post by Lupin_IV on Sept 23, 2008 5:51:03 GMT -5
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Post by ½ A Gram on Sept 23, 2008 17:11:07 GMT -5
Ah, Parents…
Sandwich Shop | Rhode Island, USA
(The phone rings at around 6-ish.)
Me: “Hello, this is D-…”
(I hear loud crying in the background.)
Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”
Me: “I…er…what?”
Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not So Sweet Toothed
Grocery Store | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
(The bakery had just closed. I had clocked out, and was on my way out of the store.)
Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”
Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”
Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”
Lady: “I’m a dentist…”
Me: “Would you like to look at my teeth after your shift ends, for free?”
Lady: “That’s different. My job is hard. Anyone could do your job.”
Me: “Then you won’t mind taking that cake home and decorating it yourself.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I gotta admit, this next one is funny, mainly because the guy (customer) takes it in pretty good stride.
Gadgets & Morals Make Strange Bedfellows
Tech Support | Canada
The customer needed help adding his music into his iTunes library. I showed him how, and this is what happened:
Customer: “… Uggghhh!”
Me: “What happened?”
Customer: “Well, I’ll be honest. It’s adding my porn.”
Me: *silence* “Oh….”
Customer: “Please make it stop! I don’t want porn on my iPod!”
Me: “Click the little X near the top.”
Customer: “Okay, it stopped.”
Me: “Try adding the My Music folder again.”
Customer: “It’s doing it again! Oh God!”
Me: “Okay, uh… let’s just move it from your My Music folder to a new folder in My Documents.”
Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.”
(few seconds of silence pass while he moves the files)
Customer: “Oh, man. It’s gonna take 24 minutes for all the files to move.”
Me: “Twenty-four minutes? Are you sure?!”
Customer: “Yes, I’m sure.”
(I show him how to do some other unrelated action while the porn is moved)
Customer: “Alright, great. Now that we’re done concealing my shame….”
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MacktasticSlick
Throttlehog
My friend drove his McLaren F1 from New York to Chicago and got there before he left.
Posts: 705
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Post by MacktasticSlick on Sept 23, 2008 17:47:36 GMT -5
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson.
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Post by Lupin_IV on Nov 3, 2008 18:02:07 GMT -5
A bear is trying to eat a rabbit, and in the tussle in the woods, they rub up against a magic lamp. A genie pops out, and say "Thank you for releasing me from my lamp. Normally, I would give the finder 3 wishes, but since the two of you, you can each have three wishes."
The bear bullies the rabbit, and says "Me first! I want to be the most handsome bear ever"
Genie: "Granted." The bear's fur is cleaned and groomed, his teeth are cleaned, and he's made bigger, and burlier."
The rabbit goes next: "I'll take a helmet, please."
The genie says "Granted."
The gives a strange look to the rabbit, shakes his head, and makes his second wish. "I want all of the female bears to only be attracted to me."
"Granted," says the genie. "Rabbit, wish for anything in the world."
The rabbit says "I'd like a motorcycle please."
Now the genie is even confused by the strange request, and says "Granted." The rabbit puts on his little helmet, and hops on the bike.
The bear makes his final wish. "Genie, I want to be the only male bear in the woods."
"Granted."
The rabbit starts up the bike, and puts it in gear. "What shall be your final wish, rabbit?"
The rabbit looks at the bear and says, "Make him gay" as he jets off into the sunset on his motorcycle.
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MacktasticSlick
Throttlehog
My friend drove his McLaren F1 from New York to Chicago and got there before he left.
Posts: 705
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Post by MacktasticSlick on Nov 6, 2008 23:16:52 GMT -5
Awesome.
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Post by Lupin_IV on Jan 12, 2009 4:53:21 GMT -5
Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on.
That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired back to their room.
Camilla flopped on the bed and said 'Please remove my shoes darling, ones feet are killing one.'
Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour.
But it would not budge.
'Harder' yelled Camilla.
'Harder?' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'
'Come on give it all you've got ' she cried.
Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed: 'Oh God, that feels so good.'
In their bedroom next door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said:
'See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that!'
Meanwhile back in the other bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out: 'Oh god, darling, this one's even tighter!'
At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen:
'That's my boy! Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
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Post by ½ A Gram on Jan 13, 2009 0:52:44 GMT -5
HOLY FUCK I just died laughing! good thing i came back with my witchy powers.
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Post by Lupin_IV on Jun 11, 2009 7:13:07 GMT -5
How many forum members do you need to change a lightbulb?
* 1 to change the light bulb
* 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
* 53 to flame the spell checkers
* 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
* 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
* ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
* 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
* 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
* 156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
* 109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
* 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
* 111 to defend the posting to this forum sayi
* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
* 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
* 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
* 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
* 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"
* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
* 44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
* 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
* 143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
* 1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
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Post by Gamer3241 on Jun 15, 2009 19:25:24 GMT -5
* and 1 to say japanese light bulbs are better
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